I’m a young soul in this very strange world hoping I could learn a bit about what is true and faith…

I adore that song.

so yes, apple knows how to pick them.

and anyways, that piece on romanticism i was talking about

i shortened it down quite a bit, it’s a normal sized entry.

it probably won’t be the last thing i write on that subject though.

so, yeah.

It seems to me that I am a hopeless romantic. I romanticize everything I can. The frigid winds of winter cut at my face, but all I see is how it tosses my hair and brings the blood to my cheeks. The sun pours its carcinogenic rays upon me, and all I feel is warmth, and all I can see are the individual flakes of snow catching and returning the light. I think it makes my life bearable. Reality is cold. Romanticism is the same in all tangible aspects, but it’s simply a world more willing to embrace me. Am I saying to ignore certain parts of this world? No. The world is far too beautiful and this life far too short to do such a thing. I only think that all parts of our existence are multifaceted. Focusing on a single surface gives me a blank and transparent face. Taking all facets in at once gives me the brilliant and complex shine of refracted life. Taking things at face value is something I have never been good at. There’s so much beyond there. And I refuse to ignore what will be the majority of my life. I refuse to ignore what separates living from existing.

The sky was gold, it was rose, I was taking sips of it through my nose and I wish I could get back there…

Sigh, i’ve been neglecting this.

but i doubt there’s anyone i’m disappointing with that, right?

eh? eh?

right.

i’ve been busy with SAT prep and school and my nikki and SAT prep and school and my nikki etc.

anyways, i’m trying to write a piece about romanticism in everyday life.

but i started it and realized it would take me a lot more time than i have right now.

so that’ll wait for another day.

so yes, instead there’s something from the vault o’ me.

written about love.

as are 99% of the things that result from my usage of english.

so yes.

We permit ourselves to feel what we think we must, we deny ourselves feelings we do not believe in. So, are there feelings no one believes in? Is there an entire spectrum of emotions which, as of yet, have not been experienced? Can anyone ever, ever experience all that there is to experience in and out of this world? I do believe there is a range of emotion that is dependant entirely upon an individual’s willingness to experience it. Will you discard it as unnecessary, and live simply following the path of least resistance? Or will you take it and embrace it as well as you can? Will you explore all there is to explore in this life?

What you do on your own time is just fine. My imagination’s much worse, I just never want to know.

It’s so hard for me to let go of a band i went through hard times with.

I have listened to fall out boy for almost 5 years, through hard times and great times.

and as much as the indie in me wants to hate them, i still adore their songs and writing, at least up to from under the cork tree.

i guess the band’s public personae can never destroy the art they made previously.

“The goal isn’t to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.” – My favorite author in Diary.

i hope i can immortalize something about me before i inevitably ruin myself beyond recognition.

compromises take you to the places you dream of and away from the places you love.

sigh.

ah yeah, i have another rant today.

heeere we are
And I find it strange how our mind remembers things. How my most treasured memories of summer are those where I had found myself any temporary shelter from the oppressive heat. Or how my most vivid memories of the frigid winter, are of the short periods of time that I found warmth. That of so many days of such harsh cold, the times I remember are the moments I spent curled under sheets, or in the backseat of a car with the heat at its highest. And how with the dazzling ice and snow that surrounded me, all I remember is the pastel pink tinged sky at sunset. Or how in the summer with the almost unbelievable power of the sun all around me, my memories focus upon the few small patches of grass sheltered from the heat. It has become most apparent to me that I find beauty in the rare moments of peace that one happens upon only a few times in life. That the majority of your days, does not equal the majority of what you remember. That the majority of your life, does not define how you wish to live.

i’m starting to think i end too many of these with the staccato realization of profound ideas that were previously stated but in more complicated form.

oh well.

Þetta Er Ágætis Byrjun…

so, yeah.

i think at most 3 people read this, so no matter how i phrase anything i put here, it will sound pretentious.

oh well.

This road is the smoothest I have
Ever driven on and I find it sad
In so many ways that where I’m headed
Or where I’m from no longer matters and I can’t forget it.

These road medians feel as if they
Should be guiding me but still I stray
To exits and backroads with a shadow of hope
Of finding myself or someone or anything that I know.

And I feel as if I am trapped between
Point A and Point B and it can be seen
That between any two points there exists one line,
But infinite ways to travel it and in that I am lost without time.

there’s a salt water film on the jar of your ashes…

anything that affects another human being should affect me in at least some way.

 empathy, yes.

it doesn’t really seem like it makes much sense until it happens to someone you know, knew, or wanted to know but never got the chance to.

but then you start to think.

anyone, anyone at all, has someone that cares about them.

and not one action done to one individual will affect only that individual.

and to say, i am so sorry for what happened and really mean it, is what empathy is.

and i think that is a defining quality of humanity.

if not for purely moral reasons, for simple and logical reasons.

that someone cares about the person who cares about the person, and someone cares about them, and again, and again.

 and no matter where or when or to whom something happens,

it comes back to one fact.

we’re all human. we’re all in this together. whatever “this” is, can be debated.

but we’re together. and anyone lost to someone, is someone lost to everyone.

i hardly knew you, but RIP friend.

it was familiar to me, the smoke too thick to breathe.

sigh.

palindromes?

who’s game?

i’m game, that’s who’s fucking game.

i don’t think race car should count unless you write in some ridiculous shorthand that disregards spaces.

but hey, if the spaces go, what’s next? periods? a line must be drawn in the sand, even if it has to wind around all the broken glass and cigarette butts.

i’m too easily sidetracked.

hannah is one, yes it is.

um, mom is another.

and so is dad! man, this is easy.

anna is one, but that’s a bit of a cop out since i already used hannah.

a toyota is one. do phrases count?

if 3 words or under, let’s say yes.

Dennis sinned! that’s for nikki.

um, delia failed!

wart straw?

i’m breaking my own spaces rule.

fuck lines in sand, they never stopped the tide.

dumb mud!

yawn.

i’ll think of more.

but i’m going to bed for now.

The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had.

i am exhausted.

anyways.

i had a bad day, but i got home and i started thinking.

and i felt better, despite the fact that nothing had changed at all except my mindset.

every reason that i was in a bad mood still existed,

but i was home and talking to my girlfriend as they existed.

and it would seem to me that my mind affects me more than reality affects me. simple, n’est pas?

i need to drill that into my head more.

i wish my mind was mine to control.

that would make life so much easier.

so yeah, i’m reading Pilgrim at Tinker Creek by Anne Dillard.

i’m not very far in at all, but from what i can see, it’s incredibly insightful about very few events.

i’m not sure if i like it yet.

we’ll see.

so sick of being tired and oh so tired of being sick

hello world. i don’t like this font. i got a blog. it’s called live backwards.

anyways

i’m not too sure what i’ll be writing about.

exciting happenings in aleckstown, dull events in alecksville, average activities in alecksborough.

probably some overly deep thoughts on life, love, and all surrounding aspects of existence.

i think it’ll be fun.

i’m tempted to dive into it right now and make this post condescending and existential.

but i won’t do that just yet.

i have to ease myself into this hot tub that is the blogosphere.

tingly.